The following are 32 lessons I’ve learned in 32 years of life - a mix of life goals, rules, practices, and insights. These largely serve as my Polaris.

I am not consistently perfect at all of these. Looking back, I often find I’ve been failing at a particular subset. These are more akin to persistent targets.

I’ve wanted to write an something like this for a few years now. It took far longer than expected. An entry will be added at 33 next year.

Without further ado…

My Life Goals

My ultimate life goals are:

1) Experience The Human Experience

Our sole responsibility is to experience everything that it is to be human - The Human Experience. Using our body & mind. Our relationships & community. Viscerally feeling the exhilarating highs & successes, as well as the brutal lows & failures. Learning and feeling the culture & arts. Growing & building things. Having fun & experiencing life. Helping other humans on their journey.

2) Be a great human, in every role

In every hat I wear, I want to be great - a great husband, son, brother, father, friend, coworker, community member and caretaker for my body.

3) End life by my wife’s side, with grandchildren

This requires doing a lot of things right for a very long time.

4) Help others on their journey

Our current knowledge is built on the shoulders of those known and unknown figures who came before. We have virtually unlimited access to these learnings. In a way, I can only regurgitate and mash up information. However, I feel it’s important to share my work, learnings, and thoughts. Even if on a small scale - localized to immediate family and community. I want to help humans learn and grow on their journey.

5) Happiness = …

Happiness = Health + Relationships + Financial Comfort + Ambition/Growth/Progress

This is slightly adapted from Naval’s Happiness = Health + Wealth + Good Relationships.

Health = Physical & Mental health

In a future version I will find a better word to replace the amalgamation of Ambition/Growth/Progress.

6) Have Fun

Have fun. Have fun in everything you do. It’s a mindset. Do silly things. Do odd things. Be the person who embodies and perpetuates fun.

On Mindset

7) Practice Extreme Ownership

It will change your mindset, and as a result, your life.

8) Live slow

Build a practice of living slow - with intention, curation, and engaged with the present moment. By doing this you will move faster than before. All dimensions of life enhance. Everything will fall in line downstream. The present moment is all you have. Modern life enables us to do too much. It constantly pulls our attention in 100s of different directions daily.

9) Your mindset is 100% your choice

I believe firmly in the cliche saying that “attitude is a choice, pick a good one.” It’s not easy, but your thoughts and feelings are ultimately YOUR choice. There are various tools, techniques, and practices to help. Some of my favorite quotes are:

Everything is powerless until you react. How you do anything is how you do everything.

It took me years to accept those as true. It’s taking me even longer to fully and properly practice them.

10) We control (or at worst influence) our immediate environment

You entirely control some things. You can influence others. Very little in your immediate environment is totally out of your sway. Stop making excuses.

11) Take care of the little things, before they become big problems

Many medium-to-large problems grow out of the small things we neglect. These big problems would never happen if we took care of them while small. The added benefit - while small, they’re usually much easier to fix. This applies to every single dimension of life.

12) Do hard things. Every. Single. Day.

Exercise this muscle daily. Do something uncomfortable. Bite the bullet. Do something you need to do, that you don’t want to. It will feel rewarding. You will get stronger and build discipline.

13) Your mind can switch between states

Learn to cultivate and switch between different states of mind throughout the day - work, relaxation, connection, fun, and so on. You will better enjoy various activities by letting go of stressors and being in the right mindset.

14) Close open loops in their entirety ASAP

Open loops are unfinished work. Specifically, unfinished work that can be completed (no blockers, pre-requisites, or scheduling constraints). At their most benign, they occupy some small amount of mental energy. At their worst, they are stressors. Open loops accumulate naturally over time. Close them, in their entirety, as quickly as possible. Especially when part of a larger project and the context of that project is fresh in your mind.

15) Don’t complain

Ever. Just don’t do it. Don’t complain out loud. Don’t complain in your head. It’s a poisonous thought pattern. Just do something about whatever is making you unhappy, or change how you react.

16) Be weird. Be eclectic. Embrace your unique tastes

Accept and embrace your unique self. Engage in your passions and hobbies. Don’t give any energy to what others think. Be Retarded To Win At Life by Elisha Long really resonated with me, and is the driver of this entry.

On Relationships

17) Loved ones are everything

Nothing makes me feel as whole as quality time with friends and family. It’s taken me many years to acknowledge this. Meaningful connection with loved ones is an unparalleled feeling.

18) Relationships underlie every aspect of life

Every situation has a human component to it - bear this in mind. This is true in both our personal and professional lives. With good relationships… the bad times are easier, the good times have depth. Without good relationships… the bad times are horrible, the good times are hollow. Nurture relationships accordingly.

19) Everyone wants you to succeed

Sure, there are exceptions to this. However, this is largely true. Your wife wants you to be a good husband. Your parents want you to be a good son. Your kids want you to be a good father. Everyone is pulling for you. The universe is conspiring for you as Paulo Coelho would say.

They might have different definitions of success than you. Seek mutual understanding.

20) There are many ways to deliver the same message

From blunt, to soft, to caring, to covert. Choose the right method based on the situation and recipient. Phrasing, how much emotion you show, and directness are tools in the toolbox. Additionally, learn to ask without asking.

On Health

21) Health is wealth

Take care of your body and mind. Sleep well. Eat well. Move often. Use your brain. Learn to destress. Your physical and mental health is the foundation upon which life exists.

22) Movement is medicine

Physical movement is a very real medicine for many things. Physical movement primes mental movement - complete physical/real-world tasks to prime mental productivity. Walk to clear your mind. Feel the endorphins of good exercise (and feel the stress melt away as a result).

23) Writing is powerful

Writing is thinking. Writing is processing. Writing is growth. Writing is one of the most beneficial activities for self exploration and evolving your thought patterns. Like verbal conversation, writing triggers different patterns versus thinking alone.

24) Daily you time is critical

Daily YOU time is critical. Ideally 2 to 3 hours. Though that amount may be challenging based on your life situation. Aim for a few times weekly at least.

Use this time to take care of yourself. Most likely by taking your vitamins (see below). By doing this you enable yourself to truly give to and support your loved ones. This is critical for your mental health.

25) Take your vitamins

Not your nutritional vitamins. These are activities that make you feel whole and complete. Without them, you may feel lost, like you’re not taking care of yourself, or like you’re failing in a certain aspect of life. You should not go too many days without taking any given one. For me, some are quality time with my wife, a great fast paced exercise, or progress on a personal project. Try to get as many in daily, using your you time.

26) Your body is an energy creator

“I’m tired” is rarely an acceptable excuse. Your body will produce energy to meet demand. Ask your body for energy and it will more than likely give it to you (as long as you’re doing the prerequisites).

On Experiencing Life

27) Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

Get out of your comfort zone. Do different things. Push the boundaries.

28) Variety truly is the spice of life

Figure out when you’re on autopilot or bored and get off of it. Monotony is killer. Routine is alright in short bursts but must be changed regularly. For me, that’s every few months (with the exception of a few core habits).

29) Take the initiative

Make things happen. Plan social events, book trips, make jokes, be the fun one, speak up, improve your home, plan romantic date nights & small gestures. The list goes on and on. Just do it. If you don’t, chances are it won’t happen.

30) Engage in and embrace the arts & culture & history

They are an often neglected dimension of life. They make you feel more complete by connecting you with human past & human creation.

31) Time in nature always helps

Nature is calming, even healing in some senses. Something as simple as a walk outside, completely disconnected from technology, is therapeutic.

32) Work Hard & Build Things

This doesn’t mean working all the time (though it certainly could if you really enjoy working). Just work your ass off. At your day job and/or on a side hobby that you’re passionate about. Though ideally both. Orient your work so that the result is building something over time. Building something with continued effort over time is rewarding, fulfilling and leaves you with a sense of pride.